


tie your heart at night to mine, love (and both will defeat the darkness)

by ninjamcgarrett



Series: the chair and the badge [2]
Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bottoming, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Morning Cuddles, Morning Sex, Rimming, and some of them said by the idiots this time!, brief mention of ash's memories and trauma, more word porn about the emotions these two idiots have for each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:21:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27522202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninjamcgarrett/pseuds/ninjamcgarrett
Summary: “Please,” Chris whispered, leveling him with a steady look. “If that’s what you want.”“I want you,” Ash replied with a smile, simple and easy.
Relationships: Christopher Pike/Ash Tyler | Voq
Series: the chair and the badge [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2011543
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	tie your heart at night to mine, love (and both will defeat the darkness)

**Author's Note:**

> Remember how I mentioned in the notes of the last fic that I had more ideas? Well, here's the first of them. Check out the notes at the end for more thoughts on the next fics.
> 
> The biggest of virtual hugs to [somehowunbroken](https://archiveofourown.org/users/somehowunbroken) for beta-ing this for me, continuing to put up with my yelling at them about Ash and Pike, and for being my partner in all fic shenanigans. And for following behind me with a comma broom. <3
> 
> Writing Ash and Pike has been incredibly soothing during the absolutely tumultuous last week around the election. Hopefully reading this produces the same feeling, darlings. <3

Ash came awake in degrees, slow and languid, rising through layers of cottony fog and sleep-mussed thoughts. He was aware of a heat, illuminating and all-consuming, warming him everywhere. It made him ache for the heat of Qo’noS, the braziers in the bedchambers, the prevalent scorching dry heat that baked into his bones and baked away the weight of the past, of the history carved there. He rolled toward it, toward the comforting way it enveloped him.

He was aware next of the rise and fall of his chest, steady and measured. It was buoyed by the warmth, pulling him into an easy cadence of rise and fall, in and out, forward toward forgiveness. The motion was soothing, much like the swell of waves around his sailboat back home. The rocking lulled him into the dance of balance, the memory of hands pulling at ropes, calluses rough and sliding along twisted fibers in a delicious scrape. He leaned into it, wrapping up in the familiarity of it, the sense of home and belonging.

Memories flitted at the edge of his mind, and he was aware of those next. They swirled by, fragments trying to push in, become sharper, more jagged. The glint of a knife, the stretch of metal over a wrist, the tangy smell of wet copper in the air. The cold sting of a metal table, the rent air around a scream, the wet gasps for mercy close and cloying. Ash leaned further into the heat and rise and fall of his chest, and away from the haunting echoes of pain that were all too familiar in the wrong kind of ways. He sank into the rhythm of air filling his lungs, the way his skin was warm, his pulse even, and let the ghosts of the past drift by and onward, away from his consciousness.

It was then he was aware of another body in bed with him, of an arm around his shoulders, the gentle puff of air from someone exhaling against his hair.

 _Chris_ , he realized.

The heat made sense, their naked bodies still twined together, keeping one another warm in the cool air of Chris’ rooms on the _Discovery_. The feeling of standing on a sailboat crystallized as he realized he was half-draped over Chris, the rhythm of breathing synced between them, Chris’ chest gently buoying Ash up and down in time with the warm air ghosting over his scalp.

The memories of terror and pain dissipated as new ones, of the night before, filtered back in through the clearing fog. Ash straddling his lap. Chris’ fingers, spit-slick, working him open. Chris carrying him to the bed, holding him close as he pushed into him. The feeling of exploding from the inside out as he came, Chris not far behind him. The tender touches as Chris cleaned him up then held him close until they fell asleep.

A sharp pang of gratefulness, of fierce joy shot through his chest, a perfect twin to the heat that radiated off Chris now. Ash rolled until he was settled between Chris’ legs, with his cheek resting on the space just below Chris’ sternum. He laid there, ear to chest, listening to the beat of Chris’ heart, slow and relaxed as he slept. Ash could feel his own pulse deep in his stomach as it slowly came to mirror the one beneath his cheek. He couldn’t help the smile that stretched across his face as he reveled in the peaceful sensation, the quiet stillness that filled him now, so different from the frantic, erratic jumble of reactions when waking from a nightmare. Now, he was loose and warm, safe in the confines of Chris’ body, content to just lay there and enjoy the calm floating through him.

Chris must have sensed his movement though, because he reached out, searching for Ash in the sheets next to him. Ash snagged his hand, bringing it up to kiss the palm. He watched the way Chris’ eyes fluttered open and blinked once, twice as they cleared the sleep from his gaze. Ash could see the exact moment when Chris saw him, spotted where he was nestled, could see the smile Ash was giving him from where he had propped his chin on Chris’ chest.

“Hi,” Ash murmured before he dropped a kiss to Chris’ hand once more.

Chris slid his hand along Ash’s cheek, cupping it briefly before sliding into the tangle of hair that Ash didn’t even want to think about fixing at the moment.

“Hi,” Chris echoed back, a sleepy smile appearing. “Sleep okay?”

“Yeah, actually.” Ash smiled and felt it go a little wobbly at the edges from the relief. “No nightmares.” He leaned into Chris’ touch and then whispered, “Thanks.”

The look Chris gave him made Ash’s toes curl, the deep affection there nearly overwhelming.

“C’mere,” Chris hummed as he reached out his other hand to smooth along Ash’s shoulder.

Ash surged up on his hands then, looming up and over Chris. Chris blinked up at him, relaxed and happy, and _god_ that was a good look on him. Ash mentally shook himself before he could get lost in the way Chris’ eyes were glinting in the soft grey light, the dimple in one cheek as he smiled, the stubble he wanted to feel against his own beard. Ash dipped his head down and kissed Chris, gently at first. When Chris melted, parting his lips for him, Ash deepened it, licking in delicately to taste and savor the soft sigh he let out. It was easy to kiss Chris, to drink in the way his body wrapped around Ash, pulling him close, anchoring him in the here and now. Ash tried to kiss all his emotions into fluency for Chris, hoped that some of the thoughts circling around in him came across in a coherent manner.

“I’m glad too, about us,” Chris murmured when Ash pulled back to suck down a lungful of air.

Thank god for kissing, Ash thought, giddy and relieved that Chris could read him so well. He ducked in to brush his nose along Chris’, unashamed about his smile. Chris was holding his face and his thumbs rubbed back and forth over heated skin, unsettling Ash in all the right ways.

“You didn’t change your mind,” Ash whispered, not wanting to pull away. “I mean, I woke up before you, so I didn’t exactly give you a chance to slip out or — ”

“Slip out of my own quarters?” Chris asked, shifting his head to kiss Ash’s jaw. “And go where?”

“Uhm,” Ash faltered, brain catching on the drag of Chris’ lips over his beard. “Not here?”

“But right here is where I want to be,” Chris hummed as he trailed his lips down until he could press a kiss to the pulse in Ash’s neck.

He lingered there, nuzzling back and forth over the spot that Ash had _definitely_ not known was sensitive before him. When Ash exhaled, and let go of something he hadn’t realized he’d been holding onto, he could feel Chris’ smile in every molecule of his skin where his lips were pressed into his neck.

“Still sure about us,” reached Ash’s ears and he made a soft noise in response.

It was hard to get his emotions, his thoughts, the reaction to those words into some sort of coherent order. He wanted so badly to tell Chris what he meant, what this meant to him. Ash wanted to haul him into his arms, wrap around him, and whisper all the ways he was falling more in love with him every time Chris smiled at him, every time Chris touched him, every time Chris accepted him for who he was, not who he had been before twice over. Ash could remember the all-consuming fierce devotion from his life as Voq, the way it reshaped him and his view of the world. He could feel something similar now, with the desire to protect Chris, cherish him, _love_ him.

One of Ash’s hands came up to cup the back of Chris’ neck, effectively holding him there. The sweet contact of Chris’ mouth on his skin was the anchor holding Ash in place, keeping him afloat and secure in the waves that he knew all too well to be deep and, more often than not, menacing. The steady inhale and exhale into the crook of his neck soothed his nerves at navigating this new, unexpected life he had never envisioned, and the knowledge that Chris was here, was standing by him, was as refreshing, as life-affirming as the sweet, invigorating air of dawn on the lake. The rhythm of Chris’ breathing seemed to tap out in the Morse code of them, _I’m here; you’re here; we’re together_. Ash wanted to cry from the joy of it all.

“Hey,” Chris murmured as he pulled back and smoothed a hand over Ash’s forehead to brush stray hair out of the way. “Talk to me.”

Ash shook his head and felt his lips quirk into a smile. “There’s — a lot going on up here,” he replied, raising both eyebrows.

Chris laughed, soft and sweet. “I’ll say. Your hair is, uhm, impressive first thing in the morning.”

“Oh shut up,” Ash laughed.

He dipped his head to kiss the responding laugh out of Chris’ mouth, and reveled in the way it felt to have Chris laughing into him, easy and trusting. He took his time and savored the way Chris smiled every time Ash pulled back to brush their noses together. It was unbearably sweet, so unguarded and intimate that it made Ash want to burrow into Chris’ chest and stay there, warm and safe. One of Chris’ hands was roaming his back, mapping the lines of his shoulders and digging in when Ash shuddered under his touch.

Chris shifted beneath him and spread his legs so he could throw one around Ash. The motion brought their hips flush and Ash faltered, hips grinding down on instinct. Chris was beautifully hard beneath him and the way their dicks slid alongside one another had Ash reeling with ideas.

“Fuck, that’s good,” Chris grunted, apparently thinking along the same lines.

Ash settled more weight in his hips, giving both of them more friction, more pressure. Chris squirmed, hips trying to set up a rolling motion, but Ash’s weight pinned him in place. Ash wrapped a hand around both of them and hissed at the rough slide of calluses on sensitive skin.

“Ash,” Chris moaned, sounding far more wrecked than any man that gorgeous had a right to sound.

“God, I know what we did last night, but _fuck_ , I want to ride you,” Ash bit out, rocking forward into his hand.

“We — we could,” Chris said, winded.

Ash opened his eyes and took in the sight of Chris beneath him, wrecked by words and the slide of skin. His hair, shot through with silver, was an ungodly mess, and Ash let himself indulge in settling on one elbow so he could card a hand through it. He didn’t miss the way Chris leaned into the touch, clearly a fan, and made a mental note to get his hands in Chris’ hair as often as possible. His captain looked _good_ disheveled, and Ash wasn’t going to pass up any opportunity to make him look that way.

“Nah,” Ash said, smiling down at him. “I’m already sore from last night. I wanted you to fucking _rail_ me, and you did. If I get on your dick now, I’ll have to call in sick to the bridge, and I am _not_ explaining this one to Dr. Culber.”

Even as he laughed, Chris blushed, the red spreading high on his cheeks and making the slate-and-sapphire combination in his eyes shine even brighter in the dim lighting. Ash dipped his head and trailed his nose along the path of the blush, unable to hide his own smile. He felt Chris smooth a hand down his back to brush along the cleft of his ass, and barely repressed the shiver at the heated memories of the night before.

“Alright,” Chris murmured, “we can get off like this, if you want.”

Chris’ fingers continued down over the curve of his ass, and the fleeting image of Ash straddling his lap, panting and begging, came to mind.

“I have a better idea,” Ash replied, already grinning.

He shifted back until he could muscle Chris’ legs wide with his shoulders and lay down so he could prop his chin on one thigh. Chris shuddered, whole body trembling, as he looked down at Ash. Ash, feeling comfortable where he was, in his own skin, and bracketed by Chris’ legs, licked his lips and let Chris see how hungry he was. He dropped his head to nuzzle along the inside of one thigh, and deft fingers pushed Chris’ leg up until he could trail his nose along the swell of Chris’ ass.

“Remember what I said last night?” he purred, letting warm air ghost over Chris’ skin.

 _“I wanna get my head between your thighs,”_ Ash had whispered, _“and eat you out until you come on my tongue.”_

Chris swore, and Ash moved up until he could press his lips to the jut of bone at Chris’ hip. He flicked his eyes up and nearly faceplanted into Chris’ dick. Forget Ash looking hungry, Chris looked fucking _feral_ , ready to devour Ash until there was nothing left but the twin beating of their hearts and the delicious uncertainty of where one of them ended and the other began. Chris moved slowly, letting Ash see what he was doing before it happened, and Ash, amidst the wave of want, felt a spike of gratitude once more for Chris’ sweet, loving nature.

Chris slid one hand into his hair and curled his fingers, not quite tugging, not quite holding him in place.

“Could I get a hand in your hair?” Chris asked, repeating his words from the night before to Ash now. “Could I hold onto it while I say your name?”

Ash’s eyes zeroed in on the path of Chris’ tongue as it swiped along his lower lip. Yeah, Chris was definitely hungry for it. The look Chris gave him was enough to make Ash’s mouth water by proxy, let alone at the prospect of eating Chris out. Ash fucking _loved_ rimming, absolutely craved the taste, the way he could reduce his partner to a helpless mess with just his mouth. If Chris was this eager, this desperate at the mere thought of Ash eating him out?

 _What a way to go_ , he thought, fleeting and happy.

“Whatever you want, babe,” Ash said.

Chris moaned and his fingers tightened in Ash’s hair out of reflex. The tug was sharp and Ash pulled against it, a soft moan of his own filling the air at the delicious sting.

“Please,” Chris whispered, leveling him with a steady look. “If that’s what you want.”

“I want you,” Ash replied with a smile, simple and easy.

He levered up to kiss Chris once and then settled back between his thighs. Chris looked poleaxed, dazed and happy. Something about it made him look ten years younger, soft and trusting in a way Ash hadn’t seen before.

“Tell me if you don’t like something I do,” Ash whispered as he hooked Chris’ thighs over his shoulders.

“Doubt it,” he heard and it made him laugh.

Chris’ hips lifted as he moaned, Ash’s laugh sending a wave of warm air over bared skin. Ash pushed in and nosed down the strip of skin behind his balls, savoring the way Chris trembled and reacted like a live wire to the barest hint of contact. Ash pressed an open-mouthed kiss to Chris’ hole and let out a gusty exhale, loving the way Chris twitched and tightened the grip in his hair. He pressed his tongue flat against the tight muscle and pushed, coating the skin until it was slick beneath his lips. Ash sucked hard as he inhaled, the musky scent of Chris intoxicating like this.

Chris was everywhere — under his lips, around his head, holding him together and pinning him in place. Ash had never felt more free despite all but being trapped under Chris. He had caught a hint of it the night before, when Chris had been fucking him to within an inch of his last brain cell, the sweet, dark scent of Chris aroused. Now, it was all he could smell, deep and filling his lungs as it spiraled through him like smoke, lingering long after the exhale, winding around to settle deep in his ribs.

He lapped at Chris’ rim once more and then began to push his tongue in, pointed and hard. Working past the first tight clench of muscle always took the most effort, but Ash loved it, and the reward that came with it. Chris let out a hearty moan above him and rocked his hips onto Ash’s face, clearly wanting more.

“S-sorry,” he panted as his fingers loosened to pet through Ash’s hair.

Ash pulled away with a filthy, wet sound and didn’t miss the way Chris whimpered at the loss of his tongue.

“Babe,” he waited until Chris’ eyes, already hazy, had focused on him. “You can ride my face. Seriously.”

Chris sucked in a startled breath and Ash smiled. “I — I only ever did this before the war, so it doesn’t really hit any of the memories for me. So,” he licked his lips, making a show of it, “fuck my face. Trust me, I love it. Just means more of you to taste, to enjoy.”

“Fucking hell,” and Chris sounded done already.

Ash didn’t stop the predatory grin on his face and was rewarded with Chris rutting down, needing more from him. He nipped lightly at the inside of Chris’ thigh, laughing gently when Chris huffed out his impatience.

“Alright, alright, I’m going,” Ash hummed as he spread Chris’ ass once more.

He didn’t give Chris a chance to catch his breath, and instead dove back in and thrust his tongue deep. Chris was relaxed, and it allowed Ash’s tongue to move in farther than it had before. He worked his tongue in and out until he could feel Chris opening to him, body relaxing and letting him in. As he pulled his tongue back, he crooked it against the rim and sucked, hard.

Chris whined, a high, catching thing that sent a shiver down Ash’s spine. Ash pushed against Chris, fucking his tongue back inside on a languid thrust. He gripped Chris’ ass and pulled to give himself more space to work. The heat of Chris around him, the wet heat inside him, was addictive, and Ash was helpless to do anything but chase it. He lapped in and out, relaxing his jaw to give him better access. Ash closed his lips around Chris’ hole and hummed, happy and drunk on the taste of Chris. Chris bucked at the vibration, fingers tight in his hair. Ash was dimly aware of Chris squeezing his thighs around Ash’s head, holding him there. No way was he pulling away now though, not when Chris was opening so prettily for him, body begging so sweetly for more.

He worked a hand out and curled it around the outside of one thigh, thumb rubbing back and forth in what he hoped would communicate that Chris could keep him locked right there like that, thank you very much. Chris’ hand, the one not currently tangled in Ash’s hair, closed over his briefly and then pulled away.

“You better not be touching yourself,” Ash rumbled against his skin before he flicked back in with his tongue.

“N-no,” he heard Chris gasp.

The way Chris spoke, the breathy edge in his voice, was a trip. Ash had grown so used to the underlying lilt of command in every word, but since the night before, he had been learning so many new tones, warm and inviting, deep and thrilling, that Chris was capable of infusing into his words. This one, halfway to out of his mind with need, might be Ash’s favorite thus far.

“Just, fuck, yeah right there, just trying to tear a hole in the sheets,” Chris said, sounding bashful.

Okay, _that_ one might be his favorite. Whatever, there could be multiple favorites, he mused.

Ash rewarded his honesty by setting his teeth lightly at the edge of puffed, slick skin and dragging down the rim. Chris rocked down, nearly smothering Ash in the scent of him, as his body took him deeper, made room for him. Ash’s own erection was bordering on painful and he rolled his hips against the bed, hoping friction, no matter how minimal, might help. He was going out of his mind with how good Chris tasted, how extraordinary it was to watch the way Chris trusted him, feel it in every nerve ending and muscle.

“So perfect,” he murmured when he pulled back to inhale deeply, lungs screaming for oxygen. “God, look at the way you take me.”

He sucked down one of his own fingers and then traced the rim of Chris’ entrance with it, eliciting a low keen of need. Ash slipped it in easily and crooked his finger to tug in the right spot.

Chris swore a streak that would have had lesser beings turning a dark red. Ash pushed hard into the bed as he turned to moan and bite against Chris’ thigh; the sound combined with the way Chris’ body swallowed his finger was pushing him closer to the edge than he could have imagined. He stayed there, cheek to flushed skin, as he easily worked in a second finger, Chris’ body greedy for it.

“More,” Chris begged, writhing on his fingers. “Ash, _please_.”

Ash kissed his leg and murmured, “Alright, sweetheart, alright.”

He spread his fingers and scissored, delighting in the way Chris was already so loose from his tongue and how the remaining vestiges of resistance melted easily under his touch. He leaned in again and lapped around his fingers as he slowly pushed in a third finger. There was a soft catch in the way Chris inhaled and Ash soothed him with a gentle hand on his hip. What he hadn’t expected was for Chris to reach out and tangle their fingers together, gripping tight. Ash returned the pressure and held on as Chris began to ride his face in earnest. Chris was slick and the slide of Ash’s fingers in and out of him was loud in the quiet around them. The sound was beyond filthy and Ash loved it. He curled them so they could catch on Chris’ rim as he rocked back and was rewarded with a needy sound of approval. Ash pulled back just enough to watch his fingers as Chris’ body swallowed them with ease.

“Look at you,” Ash marveled. “I’ve never seen anyone more beautiful.”

He looked up in time to catch the startled expression on Chris’ face and then the way it shifted into something quiet and pleased. His fingers relaxed in Ash’s hair and cupped his head, thumb sweeping back and forth in a gentle caress. Ash leaned into it, smiling. 

“Fuck me,” Chris whispered, never looking away, “please.”

It took a moment for Ash’s brain to catch up with Chris’ words, but when it did, he let out a strangled noise.

“Chris, are you — are you sure?”

There was no way Chris was asking Ash to fuck him. Absolutely no way. Ash didn’t — hadn’t since the prison ship. He hadn’t fucked anyone since then, too afraid of losing control, of snapping and hurting someone. It would be all too easy to be dragged down into the depths of his former life, of the trauma and the pain and the piercing chant of _protect_ over and over in his mind. What if he drowned in the fragments of it all, too lost to see the present, to hear the voice calling him home?

What if he hurt Chris?

“I want you,” Chris said simply, now, pulling his mind away from the spike of anxiety. “Like this.”

He cupped Ash’s face with both hands and Ash realized Chris was smiling at him. It was a soft, delicate thing, full of warmth and trust. It felt a hell of a lot like home. There was a sad understanding in the depths of Chris’ eyes, but without the weight of censure, of judgement. It seemed to whisper, _I know what’s going on in that head of yours; it’s okay_.

Ash let his eyes slip closed and leaned into Chris’ hold. “I haven’t — not since, not since L’Rell.”

“Not even Michael?” Chris asked, and there was a small note of surprise in his voice.

Ash shook his head, still cradled in Chris’ hands. “We — never got that far. I couldn’t. I was too afraid of hurting her, losing control. Still am, with you.”

He opened his eyes and tried to keep the words back, but knew he needed to say them. “I’d never forgive myself if I did something to hurt you, if I lost control. Never.”

He closed his eyes once more, waiting for the reproach, for Chris to call him silly or afraid. But the truth was, he _was_ afraid. Since being stuck in the shuttle and facing the prospect of being ripped apart at the atomic level, together, for all of eternity, Chris had taken up more and more importance in Ash’s life, more space and time. He’d reminded Ash what it meant to be human, blended though he was, and what it meant to feel without the weight of the past crushing in on him every second of the day. He was terrified to admit it, but Chris was the most important person in his life and he didn’t want to even contemplate what his life would look like without Chris in it.

It was in that moment, that split-second between his words and whatever Chris was about to say, that Ash knew he loved Chris. He’d thought that love was something beyond his reach, after everything he’d done, and everything that had been done to him. And yet, like so many other times and ways, Chris had found a path past all of that and made himself at home in Ash’s heart, steady and sure, like the needle on his boat’s compass, guiding him home, always. He wasn’t sure how it was possible, less than twenty-four hours after starting whatever this was between them, but he was sure that it was love. He loved Chris, and heaven help him, there was no going back.

“Ash,” Chris murmured, and his tone was so gentle, so loving that Ash wanted to cry. “Love, look at me?”

Ash blinked his eyes open, surprised to find that he’d been squeezing them shut. When he focused on Chris’ face, he saw nothing but acceptance there.

“I can understand why you feel that way, but trust me, I know you won’t hurt me.” One of Chris’ thumbs brushed along his bottom lip and Ash kissed it. “You could _never_ hurt me. It’s so clear in everything you do, everything you say; you never want to hurt someone else the way you were hurt. So you won’t. It’s that simple.”

“I did a lot of the hurting too,” Ash pointed out.

“That was a different you. _This_ you,” Chris emphasized the difference by carding through Ash’s hair before cupping his face once more, “is the protector, the one that does whatever it takes to keep yourself and everyone else safe.”

“God,” Ash whispered, throat raw with emotion, “I don’t — ”

Chris shifted so that both his thumbs were over Ash’s lips. “Don’t. Don’t you dare finish that sentence. You deserve a hell of a lot more than you think. And so help me, I’m going to give you what I can of it. Alright?”

Ash knew his eyes were wide, practically boggling, but he didn’t care. He simply nodded, mouth still closed behind Chris’ thumbs. This Chris, fierce and protective and so damn brilliant in his love, was the basis of the Captain Christopher Pike everyone saw on the bridge, he realized faintly. And in his own way, Chris was telling Ash — so many things, so many that it made his head spin.

“Okay,” Ash mumbled behind his fingers and then once more, clearly, when Chris pulled them back. “Okay.”

He kissed Chris’ wrist and buried his nose there for a moment, smiling. “You’re spoiling me, y’know that?”

Chris snorted, making Ash’s smile spread. “And?”

“Don’t stop,” he admitted in a whisper, “even when I think I don’t deserve or, or need it.”

“Always,” Chris shot back and Ash didn’t need to look to see the affection clear as the stars across his face.

Ash turned his head anyway, smiling. “Still want me to fuck you?”

Chris’ hips shifted beneath him and Ash could feel the way he clenched around the three fingers Ash had kept inside him. The noise Chris let out made Ash want to kiss him until they couldn’t breathe, until he’d swallowed down that sound and all the ones after it.

“Please,” Chris replied as he tangled his fingers in Ash’s hair. “I really, really do. If you’re ready for it.”

Ash took a deep breath and let it out slowly. The frantic terror in his chest wasn’t there, wasn’t pounding away on the rhythm of _don’t_ and _protect him_. Instead, he realized that heat was pooling low in his abdomen, body tingling at the prospect of fucking Chris, feeling him clench so prettily around his dick instead of his fingers. Oh, but he _wanted_.

“Yeah, yes,” he said on a rush. “Where’s the lube?”

Chris flung out a hand, grin brighter than several novas they’d passed in recent weeks, and searched around on the nightstand until he found it. Ash rolled to his knees and palmed himself, shuddering at the touch.

“Let me?” Chris asked.

It took Ash a moment, but then he realized what Chris was asking and he smiled again.

“Yeah,” he murmured, leaning forward to kiss him.

Chris’ hand, slick with lube, circled his dick and stroked slowly until he was thoroughly covered in the stuff. Ash nearly caved, wanting Chris to keep stroking him like that until he came in a mess across those fingers. The prospect of Chris, wet and warm around his dick, was too enticing though. As Chris pulled back, Ash grabbed his hand and tugged it down.

“Feel yourself,” Ash said against his lips. “Feel how ready you are for me.”

Ash glanced down and was rewarded with the sight of Chris easily slipping three fingers into himself before he tipped his head back and sighed.

“God,” Chris moaned, fingers stretching and stroking, “so open for you. Fuck, practically begging for you.”

Ash muscled in close until Chris fell back against the mattress and then pulled his hand out of the way. Chris spread for him, wrapping his legs up high around Ash’s back, warm and tight.

“Someday,” Ash growled, “I want to watch you finger yourself for me. I wanna see the way you get yourself worked up.”

He lined up with Chris and stayed there as Chris shivered around him at his words.

“And then, when you’re good and ready, I’ll fuck you on your stomach so you can feel me everywhere.”

Ash could see it in his mind's eye, the long, lean press of his tanned skin to Chris’ paler body as he blanketed him and pushed in on one swift stroke. The image of Chris beneath him — open mouth panting against the bed, one hand clinging to Ash’s neck to keep him close — had Ash desperate to come in the here and now, already aching to see that become a reality.

“Oh god, yeah, that’s — fuck, my schedule’s open tonight. We could do that after dinner.”

Ash laughed and leaned down to kiss him briefly. “You’re ridiculous,” he whispered and waited a beat before adding, “and I love it.”

Without waiting for Chris to respond, he began to push in. Both of them moaned at the feeling of the head of Ash’s dick pushing into him, blunt and hard. Ash paused once it had slipped inside and exhaled, the sound shaky.

“You already feel so good, holy shit,” he panted. “Was this — what it felt like for you last night?”

Chris nodded as his hands dug into Ash’s shoulders. “Thought I was going to come the second I got all the way inside you.”

“That — that sounds about right,” Ash groaned as he pulled back to feel the tug of Chris’ stretched rim against the underside of his head.

He rocked forward, inching steadily in. Chris’ body was slick and open for him, taking him in a wet slide. It was maddening to hold himself to such a glacial pace, but Ash did his best, wanting to savor the enveloping heat and the way Chris was making room for him, as natural as if they had always been meant to end up here, like this. He could have moved faster, could feel it in the way Chris’ body greedily took him deep, but this first time, this first press inside him, Ash wanted to remember every second of it. Ash finally bottomed out and held himself still, grateful he was propped on his elbows because he wasn’t sure if he could have held himself up otherwise. Chris was like a vice around his dick, so tight and hot that Ash had to focus on his breathing to push back on the pulsing tide of his orgasm, already so close.

Chris shifted beneath him and sighed when it allowed Ash’s hips to fall flush against his ass, making Ash fully seated inside him.

“So good,” Chris said, the words slurring on a contented sound.

“Fuck, _Chris_ ,” Ash whined into the side of his neck.

Listen, he wanted to wail, but he reasoned with himself that deafening Chris right off the bat wasn’t the best of ideas. Still. Internally wailing at the feel of it all.

“That good?” Chris purred, and god, he sounded drunk on Ash’s dick, which yeah, was about how Ash felt on the other side of it.

“Wanna stay like this forever,” Ash gasped wetly, voice low against his neck. “You’re — hell, I wanna fuck you until I come and then keep fucking you until I come again and again. Wanna get you all messed up with me.”

He trailed a hand down Chris’ chest and realized he was panting. He flicked a thumb over a pebbled nipple and was rewarded with Chris trembling.

“I wanna get you so full of me,” he continued, delirious with want, “so you know you’re _mine_.”

A low cry met his ears and Ash jerked his head up, afraid suddenly that he’d said too much, been too primal, too possessive.

Chris rolled his head until he could pin him with a look that amounted to nothing less than soul-shattering desire.

“When we get some shore leave,” Chris managed, “I am holding you to that. I’ll consider it nothing less than a crime if I leave that bed for more than five minutes.”

Ash blew out a sigh, giddy at the promise in the words, and couldn’t resist teasing him. “But what about sitting in my lap on a chair and letting me fuck up into you, my come dripping out of you? Or up against a wall in the shower, licking you clean just so I can fill you up again?”

Chris honest-to-god _wheezed_ and rolled his hips against Ash experimentally. “I’ll allow that,” he said, though the conceding tone was ruined by the hitch of breath in the middle.

“You ready?” Ash asked softly as he brushed a knuckle along Chris’ jaw. “I can wait if you need more time. I’m, uh, not inconsequential.”

He was rewarded with the quintessential Captain Christopher Pike response — a raised eyebrow and silent laughter.

“Like that’s news to me,” Chris huffed.

He wound his fingers through Ash’s hair and pulled him down into a filthy kiss. The way he fucked in with his tongue made Ash wonder, dizzily, if he would eat Ash out like that. It was absolutely something to explore with him later. Right then, Chris was clenching around him and sucking at Ash’s lower lip as he moaned.

“Ash,” he said, when he’d pulled back for air, “fuck me.”

Ash just barely held back a cheeky “aye, sir” and instead began to pull out of Chris. The slide out was just as overwhelming, the slick drag making both of them shudder and cling tighter to one another. Ash pulled all the way out and then slammed back in, drawing a broken moan from Chris.

“More,” Chris gasped, his knuckles white where they were holding onto Ash’s upper arms.

Ash pulled back and fucked in hard, hanging his head as his whole body lit up on the feeling of Chris clenching wildly around him. Chris held onto him, arms and legs tight around him, broad shoulders taut as Ash thrust in and out at a breathless pace. He could still taste Chris on his lips, and could feel Chris fluttering around his dick, body taking him like a dream. Ash angled his head down so he could kiss Chris and lick inside.

“You taste that?” he murmured after pulling back momentarily. “You taste so good. I thought I might come just from eating you out; that’s how sweet you were for me.”

Chris tried to say something but it came out as a handful of broken syllables instead. Ash nipped at his lower lip, already swollen and red, and added, “I bet you’d taste even better if I licked my come out of you.”

 _That_ got a more coherent response from Chris. He hauled Ash down for a kiss and greedily licked in, clearly chasing the taste of himself in Ash’s mouth. Ash opened for him, let him taste, as he continued to work his hips in and out of Chris. He never wanted to stop the heady feeling of fucking him, and the way Chris so clearly loved it, but his body was aching, begging to let go after so much anticipation.

Ash hiked one of Chris’ legs up to wrap more securely around his back and groaned into Chris’ mouth when it changed the angle, allowing him just that fraction deeper. Ash had somehow managed to hold back on wailing earlier, but it seemed that Chris was helpless to keep from doing so. He wailed into their kiss, whole body tensing around him.

“God, don’t _stop_ ,” he gasped.

“I’ve got you, babe, I’ve got you,” Ash soothed before he scraped his teeth along Chris’ jaw, turning the skin under the morning stubble a rosy pink.

He held onto Chris’ leg and fucked into him in earnest, letting go of all his reservations, the remnants of holding back crumbling to nothing. He was pounding into Chris at a rate that would definitely leave Chris sore and would have Ash’s hips aching later, but he certainly wasn’t complaining, and apparently, neither was Chris. He could tell the angle was just right, that he was hitting Chris’ prostate again and again, by the way Chris threw his head back and his body arched off the bed. It was a sight to behold, the way Chris’ throat worked around broken sounds and pleas for harder, more, right _there_ , Ash, _please_.

Ash hauled Chris close enough that his dick brushed against Ash’s stomach every time Ash thrust deep, and the contact soothed some of the desperate energy building in Chris. Ash buried his face against Chris’ neck and inhaled deep, completely in love with the way Chris was falling apart in his arms, choosing him, trusting him, to see him like this. He licked at the salt of sweat there and scraped his teeth down the wildly hammering pulse in Chris’ neck. Chris’ hand in his hair tightened, keeping him there, and Ash smiled against his skin, the message clear.

They might not have the time for Ash to fuck Chris over and over until he was fully marked up, but they did have time for this. Ash set his teeth into the skin over the frantic heartbeat and worked a bruise into the gorgeous, pale skin there. He was rewarded by the deep bloom of purple against white, like the darker veins shot through in marble, marking Chris and just for the two of them. Something in the act soothed a part of Ash he hadn’t realized was craving, a part of him that was quietly begging to leave some sort of reminder on Chris’ skin after this was over, as if to whisper to them both of a more permanent change between them.

“Come on,” he whispered, lifting his head so he could nip at Chris’ lip. 

“Not,” Chris bit out, hands digging into his back, “without you.”

Ash groaned and his hips faltered before he took up the deep, bone-rattling pace once more.

“Trust me, not gonna be a problem,” he answered as he leaned down until their foreheads were together.

Chris sounded halfway to hoarse as he continued to let out beautiful, wrecked noises. He worked his hips to meet Ash on each thrust, which made Ash slam harder into him each time. The sight of watching his orgasm build and crash through him was dazzling, Ash thought. Chris seemed to pull into himself, suck air deep into his lungs, the way a star collapses before exploding, drawing down to a single point. Ash could feel Chris clench, once, hard around him and then the supernova hit. Chris spasmed around him, whole body going taut as he covered both of them in hot come. The rippling of his body had Ash winded in a way that wasn’t just from the energetic pace.

What sucked Ash into the center of the explosion was the way Chris moaned his name as he came, high and breathy, on a sigh. It was the familiarity in it, the way Ash’s name sounded right in Chris’ mouth, the relief behind it. That was what pulled Ash in and sent him spiraling into a climax that had him seeing a whole series of constellations burst to life behind his eyes. Then the roar turned deafening in his ears, the white turned to black, and he was floating out among the stars, flying free and without an anchor.

It was the sound of home, of his name from a voice he would know anywhere, no matter the language, no matter the lifetime, that brought him back.

“Ash,” Chris whispered, sounding half-asleep. “Ash, love.”

“Mmm,” was all Ash could manage at the moment.

He was aware he was buried face-first in Chris’ chest, collapsed on top of him in a loose mess, as his dick slowly softened inside Chris. He was pretty sure he was still connected to the rest of his body, but he flexed his toes to be sure. Yep, still there. He got it together enough to move one hand until he could splay fingers along the expanse of Chris’ ribs. Chris’ fingers scratched gently along his scalp and Ash pushed into the touch, humming softly.

“Yeah,” Chris breathed out. “Mutual. Feeling’s mutual.”

“Wow,” Ash finally managed, though his voice croaked on the word.

He felt the shift of Chris beneath him as he laughed quietly. He was reminded once more of the sensation he’d experienced when waking that morning, of the rocking lull of the sailboat, mirrored in the easy rise and fall of Chris’ chest.

“Home,” Ash murmured.

He bit his lip, hoping to keep anything else equally embarrassing from escaping while his filter was still — somewhere, not there.

Chris wound his arms around Ash, the weight reassuring as he squeezed.

“Welcome back,” Chris whispered, and Ash swore he was talking about more than just coming to after the best fucking sex either of them had ever had.

Ash nuzzled into Chris and grinned, knowing that Chris could feel it.

When he was more certain of his grasp on language and coordination, Ash turned his head so he could speak clearly.

“Okay, so you didn’t come on my tongue, but — ”

“Always next time,” Chris hummed happily as one hand rubbed up and down the length of Ash’s back.

Ash burrowed into him just a bit more, warmed all over again. He glanced up and then laughed.

“I did at least keep one promise,” he said.

When Chris arched one eyebrow in a silent question, Ash reached up and laid a finger over the bruise on Chris’ neck.

“Promised I’d leave marks on you, so you’d know this was real,” Ash whispered, feeling unbearably soft and vulnerable, but so safe in the knowledge.

Chris squeezed his legs where they were still tangled around Ash. “Pretty sure you left some on my thighs too.”

“Not sorry?” Ash offered, trying to look repentant.

The way Chris looked at him, fond and tender, made Ash turn into his chest again as he smiled.

When he felt more steady, less likely to blurt out the wealth of emotions in his chest, he looked up at Chris again.

“What drawer do you keep the washcloths in?”

“Second one, but I can — ”

Ash levered up onto his hands and cut him off with a kiss. “Don’t even think it. My turn. ‘Sides, I clearly didn’t do something right if you can walk so soon after getting fucked into the mattress.”

He was rewarded with Chris blushing down to his chest, the color inviting, and it made Ash want to add more marks to the ones already coming vividly to life. He settled for a soft kiss to Chris’ sternum before pulling out.

Chris let out a small noise, something sad, and Ash dropped down on top of him again as he did his best to blanket him from head to toe.

“I know,” he murmured from where he was trailing his lips down Chris’ temple. “As soon as we get shore leave, I promise. I’ll fill you up so you never feel empty again.”

Something settled in Chris and Ash gathered him close and let his hands wander in soothing patterns.

“Thanks,” Chris whispered. “I — what I said last night — ”

“You like being taken care of,” Ash replied as he lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “I like not being ridden. Simple as that.”

“Simple as that?” Chris asked, nosing along his cheek until he could kiss him.

“Simple as that,” Ash repeated before he bumped Chris’ nose with his own.

“There are things I want to say right now,” Chris admitted, so quiet that Ash wouldn’t have heard him if they hadn’t been only a breath apart.

“Me too,” Ash assured him, framing one hand to the side of Chris’ face. “At your pace though.”

Chris blinked, surprised. At this distance, Ash was able to see the way the blue and grey flecks in his irises were eclipsed as his eyes grew wide.

“Okay,” Chris finally settled on, lips warm and steady at the corner of Ash’s mouth.

They stayed close for a few more minutes, trading lazy kisses until Ash was satisfied that Chris was relaxed and ready for him to get up. The _whoosh_ of cool air between them as Ash sat up made both of them shiver. He wrapped a hand around Chris’ ankle and rubbed his thumb back and forth over the curve of his ankle bone.

“Let me get you cleaned up, then we can get under the covers, alright?”

“Get a move on then, before I turn into a popsicle,” Chris teased, poking his toes against Ash.

At that Ash didn’t bother swallowing down his response. “Aye, sir,” he said with an overly dramatic wink as he shuffled off the bed.

“Oh my god,” he could hear Chris laughing behind him, “you’re a menace.”

Ash returned with a damp, warm cloth and settled on his knees between Chris’ legs once more.

“Yeah,” he replied, happy and relaxed, “but I’m your menace.”

He tried to hold back on the urge to flick his eyes up and silently ask for a reaffirmation, but Chris, reminding Ash all over again of his fluency in the language of them, brushed a hand down Ash’s chest.

“Yeah, you are,” he murmured.

Once Ash had cleaned Chris up, he shuffled them both under the covers and tucked them more securely around Chris before stretching out next to him. Chris rolled until he was firmly glued to Ash’s side and could get his head in a comfortable spot on Ash’s shoulder.

“How long until we need to be on the bridge?” Ash whispered, hand tracing idle patterns on the curve of Chris’ shoulder.

“It’s maintenance day, remember? Gamma shift has the bridge while they run upgrades and fixes.”

“A day off,” Ash hummed blissfully, eyes closed. “First one since I came aboard.”

He could feel the curve of Chris’ smile and turned to nuzzle at the disheveled silver locks now in reach.

“You have any Section 31 stuff to take care of?” Chris asked, sounding far too even.

Ash shook his head, laughing when it made Chris squirm as his hair became even more of a mess.

“Nope,” he said on a yawn. “If something urgent comes in, my badge’ll go off. Otherwise, I have a stupid amount of free time on my hands today.”

“Wanna spend it together?” Chris asked quietly, and if Ash hadn’t been paying attention, he would have missed the hopeful edge. “I mean, if you want some time to your—”

Ash tipped Chris’ chin up so he could kiss him into silence. When Chris relaxed against him once more, Ash pulled back just enough so Chris could see his smile, the one he reserved for getting into the good kind of trouble and that usually ended with someone saying his name on a long-suffering sigh.

“Like I said last night, good luck trying to get rid of me.” Chris was laughing, clearly delighted by the words and the rakish look on Ash’s face. “Though I should probably go back to my place at some point to get a change of clothes.”

Chris waved airly in the direction of the living quarters. “Eh, have the synthesizer make some for you. Wouldn’t hurt to keep some here. Especially ones that you wouldn’t mind possibly getting, uh, ruined.”

Ash kissed him for that, giddy. “You’re ridiculous.”

Chris yawned, then murmured, “You keep on saying that.”

“And I keep on loving it,” Ash finished. “Sleep, sweetheart. I promise I’m not going anywhere.”

The happy noise from Chris, the comforting, solid weight of Chris draped over him, were the last things Ash was aware of as they both drifted off.

**Author's Note:**

> \-- I'm thinking the rest of this series is going to be mostly moments between Ash and Pike based around specific S2 episodes and will continue to flesh out their relationship. (I promise, everything will end happy for these two. No angst or heartbreak; we die like true fans.)
> 
> \-- Title of the fic taken from [this poem](https://allpoetry.com/Tie-Your-Heart-At-Night-To-Mine,-Love,) by Pablo Neruda. The full quote is, "Tie your heart at night to mine, love, / and both will defeat the darkness / like twin drums beating in the forest..."
> 
> \-- Shhh we're just going to ignore canon and say that Ash and Burnham never got past making out.
> 
> \-- "You're ridiculous and I love it" might be my tagline for this ship. Maybe. Possibly. You didn't hear it from me.
> 
> \-- [“You like being taken care of,” Ash replied] is absolutely my favorite section of the fic and it's not even close. Aftercare is the best and especially between these two.
> 
> \-- Yes, I've also begun work on the fic answering the question about what would happen if Ash brought his son to the _Discovery_ and it's as schmoopy and fluffy as you'd expect.
> 
> \-- All your comments on the first fic in this series were heart-melting and wonderful and absolutely motivated me to get this one done and posted as fast as I could. <3


End file.
